HauleyWood

Step away from the farm animals Jo. Time to get back to city life!

June 29 at 10:43am ·

No joke.... crime scene at the farm..... soooooooo funny

June 29 at 10:44am ·

Curtis Schwab

I don't know what you guys do it your family reunions, but it sounds like they get a little out of hand!

June 29 at 11:11am ·

You realize you sound like you live IN the movie Deliverance?

June 29 at 11:13am ·

Eh, more like Babe: Pig in the City...

June 29 at 11:16am ·

Curt, you know what goes on round these parts.....

June 29 at 12:40pm ·

Curtis Schwab

True, I had to move all the way to LA to get away from it!

June 29 at 1:19pm ·

Wait......what?!!!! I thought he killed him! He probably couldn't do it and now he's been caught!

June 29 at 1:28pm ·

Not an earless goat right? Do I need to come back to help investigate?

June 29 at 1:29pm ·

Julie Phipps

too funny! the rooster was faking and played dead and the goat was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe the attempted murder of the rooster scared him to death. Hee Hee.

June 29 at 3:50pm ·

All we have is theories. We believe it was brother-in-law in the coop with a rifle........ but really no definate leads..... help Christine! what do you know? And i know coup is coop!!!!!!

June 29 at 4:23pm ·

OK... know that the rooster was not there when we were there! So...I say the rooster begged Larry for his life....Larry caved, told the rooster to leave town..possibly to Ritzville..so that it looked like Larry offed him. Or Julie's theory is good too!!

June 29 at 7:24pm ·

Oh yeah
..I forgot to say the rooster loves his hens so much he couldn't leave town so he his til Larry went home

June 29 at 7:25pm ·

CHRISTINE YOUR THEORY IS POSSIBLY OUR BEST GUESS. THE GOAT DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES.

June 29 at 9:14pm ·

The goat witnessed the shooting of the rooster (8 shots...by the way). He too knew that the rooster was very, very dead. When the bloody, limping rooster came back four days later, the goat died from shock.
Who knows why that rooster is alive again. That is SOME ROOSTER. People will be flocking to Piper Ranch now to see the miracle cock.

June 30 at 8:45am ·

BAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Jen yours takes the cake! Oh and I miss you!

June 30 at 9:12am ·

I feel that now is the time to issue an official statement before the "rooster-gate scandal" goes any further. Much like Tiger Woods and his hesitation to explain the tree incident these situations tend to take on a life of their own. So here it goes:

Having been subjected to several servings of fertilized eggs my family revolted and announced ... See Morethey would no longer be eating eggs from the farm even though my mother-in-law kept a secret stash of Safeway select AA eggs in the garage refrigerator to mix in with the fertilized eggs. I could no longer risk my children being permanently damaged. Unfortunately, we've had "the talk" with Piper, and she knows what fertilized means. In addition, all of the complaining caught the attention of farmer Dan himself. Seeking relief from his complaining Scottsdale grandchildren it was he who approved the offing of the rooster (For you city-slickers, hens will lay eggs even without a rooster, they just won't be impregnated with a baby chicken).

My conversation with Dan was overheard by several people, none of whom begged the sparing of the Rooster's life. I also knew that not one of the hens would miss the oppressive, chauvinistic, cock with a tendency to wake up far too early and then proceed to awaken the entire farm. The method of execution was briefly discussed. I won't mention any names, but someone who lives in Norway suggested a beheading. This was too gruesome for me. My 12 gauge shotgun was too loud and might wake the neighbors (it wasn't until later that I realized there aren't any neighbors), and my .40 cal Beretta was to gangsta. I opted for the .22 caliber break-barrel Benjamin air rifle.

At approximately 9 pm, Wednesday, June 23, under cover of darkness I snuck over to the hen house. And no, I wasn't wearing a Ninja suit as some rumors have suggested. I immediately spotted the rooster and preceded with the execution. In order not to offend the sensibilities of some readers I will spare you the details, however, let me just tell you the rooster was shot EIGHT TIMES WITH A VERY POWERFUL 22 CALIBER AIR RIFLE! After uttering the words "Et tu, Larry?" the rooster was pronounced dead and was discarded in a wheat field north of the hen house.

How the rooster came back to life days later as if he had simply been on vacation is anyone's guess. If a blood-stained pattern of the Virgin Mary appears on his back you can expected a million-man exodus all the way from Mexico City and we can probably charge 10 bucks a head to view the miracle rooster.

As for the goat, I am absolutely, 100 percent, not guilty! If the glove don't fit, you must acquit. Do I have any regrets? Well perhaps I should have gone with the beheading, although the return of a headless rooster would have had a much greater emotional impact.

I will now open the floor to questions with the approval of my legal council...

June 30 at 9:44am ·

the rooster killed the goat.

June 30 at 10:18am · ·

and goats are evil, he deserves to be dead!

June 30 at 10:18am · ·

My legal council has advised me not to comment on the last statement. Although I have heard that young tender goats make a great taco...

June 30 at 11:04am ·

By way of clarification, the young goats don't actually make the tacos. Roberto kills the goats and makes tacos out of them.

June 30 at 11:06am ·

Larry, I AM DYING LAUGHING. "E tu, Larry?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

June 30 at 11:55am ·

I knew you would get that. We'll see how many Shakespeare fans are in the audience.

June 30 at 1:30pm ·

Heads up Larry - for sure that Rooster is demi-immortal, can now speak with the dead and will track you to the ends of the earth - riding his horse with twin gatling guns and one thing and one thing only on his mind - VENGEANCE!!!!!! MWAahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

June 30 at 1:35pm ·

And goat taco is what they serve on state street in SLC, pretty sure...

June 30 at 1:35pm ·

That's just what I was afraid of Ryan. I should have worn the Ninja suit and he wouldn't be able to identify me. Can one kill an undead rooster with a silver bullet? Eight silver bullets perhaps?

June 30 at 2:53pm ·

My husband is very adamantly of the opinion that there is no way in hell a person, let alone a rooster, could survive Larry's assault. He suggests a search for the rooster carcass and also that the rooster had a secret twin.

June 30 at 3:10pm ·

Ever seen Somersby?

June 30 at 3:52pm ·

so the name of the rooster is roberto? and he can make goat tacos? awesome. he needs to be on david letterman. i'll call my agent. DON'T KILL THE ROOSTER!

June 30 at 6:19pm · ·

Hauley all joking aside your profile pic scares me! You are so beautiful unsqiggled!

June 30 at 6:58pm ·

Jen said Miracle cock. Sounds like an AWESOME infomercial opportunity there. Put it on TV right after a "Shake-Weight" infomercial

June 30 at 8:02pm ·

jo, look what you started!

June 30 at 9:44pm · ·

OH hAULEY. ALL IN GOOD FUN, EXCEPT MOST OF IT IS TRUE. NEXT TIME I SEE YOU IM BRINGING YOU A GOAT TACO!

July 1 at 7:00am ·

i think this is the best debate/mystery/drama EVER! keep the saga going. maybe put roberto the rooster on a ballet? he should run for something--and i don't mean run for his life.

July 1 at 7:37am · ·

p.s. my profile pic is proof that aliens are breeding with us!

July 1 at 7:37am · ·

Scott Piper

AHAHHAHAAA!!!! This is the funniest thread of comments I've EVER read on Facebook!.. Think I might submit to Readers Digest!

July 1 at 10:24am ·

Cocks go to heaven, goats go to hell...or something like that...

July 1 at 10:28am ·

Do it Scott. You were here for parts of the saga. Think it can make more money than the vampire movies?????.........maybe..........

July 1 at 12:37pm ·

And the title will be what Ryan said.

July 1 at 12:38pm ·

I am worried PETA might get involved if it is in Readers Digest. I don't need my husband accused of hate crimes against animals.

July 1 at 2:53pm ·

hahahaha I actually thought of that! And it was to be a gift to the hens.......Boy, that went wrong!

July 1 at 3:02pm ·

I love PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

July 1 at 3:45pm ·

To add some background to all this...
When Larry was a teenager his best friend had a pet goat. One summer he was 'goat-sitting' for his friend. The goat got loose and Larry had to chase it down. The goat turned on him and attacked him. (I swear this is all true...like we all haven't babysat a goat before...)
Anyway... Larry has not been fond of ... See Moregoats ever since. I don't think even he realized however the deep scars left from the experience.
My new theory is that Larry went to the hen house with every intention of killing the rooster but his post tramatic stress disorder kicked in, he blacked out and killed the goat instead. By the time Larry came to, the rooster had run off to hide....only to return the next week. During the roosters escape, however, he was attacked by a farm dog passing by. He got away... but sustained a serious leg injury. That explains the dead goat and live rooster returning with a bloody, bum leg.

July 1 at 4:26pm ·

Larry is telling the truth. The rooster is in bad shape with serious lead poison! Come back Larry and finish what you set out to do!

July 1 at 7:34pm ·

jennifer! check my story out on why i hate goats: friend and i are babysitting 3 kids that had a small farm of sorts. we decided to ride the horse. i went into the shed to get the reins, turned around, and low and behold was an effn goat that tried to stab me with his horns. i'm screaming for help and all the kids and my friend were laughing so ... See Morehard they couldn't help me. i grabbed the horns so i could get around the eff'r and jumped on the corral fence. goat came out bucking and chasing me then turned toward the house. kids bolted into the house AND SO DID THE GOAT! pooped little pellets everywhere. he went downstairs and got on one of the kids beds bouncing up & down. (I SWEAR ON MY MOTHERS GRAVE). had to bribe goat out of house with carrot. ever since then I HATE GOATS. they see me and instantly try and attack me. post tramatic syndrome due to goats (PTSDTG) is a very real illness.

as far as writing a movie, the cock's ego will get in the way. he'll demand more money and try to screw us all (no pun intended). stick with readers digest.

July 1 at 7:45pm · ·

Wow Hauley. I'm almost speechless. I think we've all made good progress facing our fears today. By the way, fear of goats is called Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia which also includes sheep.

July 1 at 7:55pm ·

Oh, and JoAnne, don't eat the rooster! It's got lead poisoning. There's no telling what it's doing to those eggs now. What if the eggs are allowed to hatch? Does anyone remember the movie Pet Sematary and that freaky little boy with the exacto knife?

July 1 at 7:58pm ·

Larry, use a real gun.

July 1 at 8:11pm ·

Them are fightin' words Ryan...

July 1 at 8:51pm ·

And Hauley.... that story is hilarious! I can visualize the whole thing! PTSDTG.... I like it and will be using it in the future. A lot more than the word Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia. Which I am 100% sure is a real word.

July 1 at 8:55pm ·

I guarantee a Desert Eagle would have done the job first time.

July 1 at 10:49pm ·

That would be like killing one bird with two stones.

July 1 at 11:18pm ·

No, you'd being completing two jobs with one bullet as there would be nothing left to dispose of. There's no such thing as too much firepower.

July 1 at 11:33pm ·

Had to clarify to a friend today, Hauley, that "Roberto" is not the roosters name it is the roosters owner....

July 3 at 7:32pm ·

Is there a word for "insanely afraid of the Piper/Radford family?" Because now I think I am. And also goats, naturally.

Thursday at 11:16am ·

larry, i told joanne that we need to get medical bracelets with that hexakos... name on them. and she also told me your goat nightmare happened in utah which is where MINE happened! i think we all need to get together to write childrens books.

Thursday at 7:25pm · ·

Right on with the bracelets. We could be elite members of a club whose sole purpose is to expose goats for what they really are! And yes, my attack happened in Utah, which I'm sure is probably the scene of more goat related crimes per capita than any other place in the world. After he had his way with me he proceeded to eat every bit of foliage in my Grandmothers yard (may she rest in peace).

12 hours ago ·

YES, bastard goats! poor grandma died seeing the filthy goats eat her yard. have they no mercy?! goat related crimes in utah are not reported because of ego ridden residents. we have broken the silence my friend! i'm going to register "GA...goats anonymous" ... hello, my name is Hauley and i'm afraid of goats...meet my friends, larry, jennifer & joanne. and oh ya, the cock in the corner is Roberto. he was shot by a goat.

11 hours ago · ·

Actually Larry, the answer to that question is Kazahkstan - where goats are made to wear human clothing and dance to amateur accordion music - you can understand why the goats crack and attack...it's sad really. Goat amnesty international has been unable to stem the rise of goat-related abuse and the goats have established a guerrilla organization of their own to combat these grievous injustices. It's getting really ugly...I just pray Obama doesn't send our boys over there after Iraq...

6 hours ago ·

Is this REALLY happening?

4 hours ago ·

‎"crack and attack" is now my new favorite saying!

about an hour ago ·